Isn’t it funny how the saying ‘you always want what you don’t have’, is depressingly true. For me this week, it means that many of you are stuck sitting your exams and for me, I’m finished. You might be thinking what on earth is wrong with me? But, last week I handed in my last university assignment ever. I am now officially done with my degree.
I was hoping for the same fulfilment and excitement I experienced when I finished year 12. That was the end of a chapter, and the next chapter sounded like one I would thoroughly enjoy. Boy, I was right.
University provided me an enormous amount of freedom whilst still giving me the little bit of structure that my A type personality needs. I suppose it also has a lot to do with what you’re studying. I did a Bachelor of Arts in Media Communication. Reading theses and writing thousands of words might be someone’s idea of nah ah, but for me, I liked it.
Sure deadlines and the forcible nature of assignments and exams are a pain in the butt, but the conceptual thinking that they brought to me, has made my interpretation of the world so much more. In school, the structure was so rigid and a book’s sentence was explained to you in the exact way that your teacher and therefore you, needed to see it. In university, it was much more open ended and thoughts were debated. Whilst I have to say I wasn’t one to overly speak up in class, there is nothing I enjoy more than listening to people’s opinions on both sides, writing them down and working through to find my own stance.
I guess I’m worried now that university is over I’ll lose the ability to do this. Yes the world discusses topical issues, but where else do I learn about a theorist that first developed the notion before reflecting on the topic- a conceptual lens to interpret modern opinion?
This certainly is in this sense applicable to my degree, but what about everyone else? Does a doctor not worry because his career forces continued further study? A lawyer is always presented with new cases? A chef learns about new machinery that allows for new techniques? Now I’m reflecting, I think it is incredibly naive to say that my pathway wouldn’t encourage the same discourse. I guess, maybe it has more to do with the uncertainty that the pathway is.
Is it just that the ending of a chapter so often involves self reflection over the time and your next step? Does this inevitably result in an identity crisis? I like to think of myself as having my shiz together. However, I think that was always in a relative comparison to other university students. Now I’m out in the big wide world trying to stay afloat. Where only 1 month ago I felt comfortable on my university timeline, do I now get knocked off onto a new one to start back down at zero?
I know The Lottie Lu is exactly what I want to do. I know I want to keep developing this into an enthusiastic platform for women, that continues to grow and evolve into something so different to everything out there. Maybe, the nature of having a career trajectory that is so dependent on the evolution of social technology means that my pathway will forever be uncertain. I don’t know what I will be learning but that there will definitely be something for me to. On the other hand, my confusion might have something to do with the fact that I have this passion in creativity, but I also have an undeniable need to learn about theorists and political interpretations. How the two can merge together I don’t know. Or is it just that The Lottie Lu is my career path and sociological theory is my hobby to catch up on in my own time? I guess a doctor doesn’t sit back and wonder how he can bring his love for guitar playing into a surgical theatre.
I guess I’m so intent of carving out my own path and creating something for myself that I’m wondering why can’t I merge all these passions together? It doesn’t make sense to me yet, but maybe it will in the future. First things first, so I need to work out how I can keep my conceptual thinking flowing without dedicated classes every week. Mental as it might be, I’m determined to keep developing my mind post 20 years of educational institutions.
Maybe the next post will be a Fascist interpretation of the current trending of ruffles?
Signing off until next time.